Setting myself free

Updated: Dec 24, 2018

Since I can remember I’ve been feeling like I’m not doing enough. Do more, be more is always playing in the back of my mind. Both at home with the activities I do like yoga & meditation practise, exercise etc and with my work on YouTube, this blog, Snapchat and Instagram.

It’s common for people to say do more, be more, dream bigger, don’t be lazy, hustle 24/7, work day and night. They think it’s motivating… Maybe for some but for the majority of us, it creates pressure and fear. People, like myself, feel like what they’re not enough. Pushing yourself to be or do more doesn’t always mean you’re doing whats best for yourself.

Little thoughts would pop into my head.. Get off your butt El, you’re not doing enough, go outside, get off your phone, do more yoga, be more productive, do this everyday, share more online, do more on YouTube, do this or that, don’t do this or that… and the list goes on.

I realised this week what I had been doing and the pressure I’ve put myself under. I’ve been so hard on myself and I didn’t even fully realise until now. Now that I am aware I feel relief because I’m choosing to set myself free.

I am now freeing myself from the chains I have created. No more pressure to have things completed by a certain time, no more pressure to do more or be more productive. I’m letting go. This doesn’t mean I’m lazy. I’ll still get the things done that I need and want to do, I’m just not rushing myself or forcing things upon myself. I’m letting things come and go.

I’ve always thought that I need to plan out everything and once I have a plan that’s what will happen and I will follow it. But that’s just not how life works, things don’t always go to plan but in the end, they work out. They always do. I’m putting my trust in this and myself. Everything is okay and everything will be okay. Life will unfold in its own way and I will go with the flow instead of demanding certain outcomes.

I love doing yoga, meditating, reading, listening to audiobooks and exercising (among other things). I use to have a checklist of things I needed to do every day. Things that are good for my mental and physical health. These activities were listed on my fridge along with a few other things. I would tick them off as I go but at bedtime, if I hadn’t completed something on the list I would feel disappointment and negative thoughts would start flowing… You’re not good enough, why did you sleep in, why didn’t you just do it, you’re lazy blah blah.

The truth is I am enough and I was doing enough. Just because I didn’t complete ONE or two activities out of a bunch doesn’t mean I’m lazy. I’m doing my best and that’s what matters. I’m now choosing to relieve myself of the pressure of having to do these activities every single day. If I do them then cool! That’s great but if I don’t then no biggie. I refuse to bully myself anymore.

Part of me was scared that I would fall out of habit if I didn’t do these activities every single day. I thought I would be considered unproductive or lazy. But I realise now that that’s just bullshit. If I skip one day of yoga out of 7 then that’s okay! If I skip one week of yoga then that’s okay too. I will find my way back, I always do.

I want to switch my focus to what I have completed instead of what I haven’t. The funny thing is, I do end up doing these activities almost every day because I WANT to, not because I am obligated to. I don’t force anything now.

I have days where I get shit done but I also have days where I lay in bed, watch YouTube videos, eat vegan “junk food” (ice cream and chocolate aka not whole foods) and that’s completely okay. What’s important is that I’m doing activities I enjoy and I’m not hurting myself or anyone else. There is a balance.

I no longer want to second guess everything either and question every single thing I do. “Is this the best way?” “Is there a better way?” “Maybe I should/shouldn’t do this”. No more overthinking. I want to go with my initial feelings and TRUST. Just dive in… or don’t.

I no longer want to create deadlines and have the fear of time looming over my head. I’m no longer telling myself things like “you need to do this every day or else” “You have to do this before a certain time/date or else”. It will get done and that’s what matters.

If you watch my YouTube you’ll notice I don’t have certain days I post and I no longer have a schedule. This has really helped with my creativity and not pressuring myself to have a video pumped out by a certain time. Which I felt like blocked my creativity and made my videos & myself feel rushed.

I hope this post gives you some relief and takes pressure off you. Remember, you are enough.

Let go.